Just as I was considering not fasting every week anymore because I figured I was in for a long haul and it's pretty hard to fast every week, something happened that restored my faith.
My post yesterday described the sad state of my heart; I was so down. I used the "divorce" word and I suppose it worked. Todd came to me late in the evening after the kiddo was in bed and started to talk again to me. He was humble, and quiet and listened to all I said. I talked a lot to him in spiritual terms, explaining so much that I've wanted to say for so long but he was never in the right frame of mind to hear.
I told him I wanted my husband back, and that no, I didn't really want a divorce; I just want to have hope that we will be okay. I felt the spirit so much during that whole conversation and he would have to be made of cement to not feel it too. It was so encouraging.
I had no idea how the conversation would impact actual life and the end of the discussion happened abruptly when he said he was going to bed and "g'night". He came home early today to work on the basement and shortly after, right in front of Nat, he came to me and gave me a big hug. Not only that, but he kissed me on my forehead. He didn't actally say anything but it didn't matter - I knew what he was trying to say. It was so special and amazing and I felt wonderful.
Needless to say, I am not going to discontinue my fasting. In fact, I prayed last night that the Lord not bring absolute peace too soon to my family because once there is peace in our home, there will be no more opportunities to share the spirit with him in heart-to-heart discussions like the ones we've been having. They only occur when we're desperate. I'm willing to make a sacrifice for a greater promise later. I know the Lord can give it to us, and he will. It will just take some more time.
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