To An Old Friend

Dear Karen,

Don't think I've forgotten you. How could I do that? You were my Mia Maid advisor 20 years ago but I can see your face in my mind like it was yesterday.

How could I forget all that you did for me? You took care of me, mothered me, took me in. Cared for me in a way my own mother was incapable of doing.

I know Sarah was only about 6 when I came to stay with you. She had her own room. You displaced her for me. I thought nothing of it when I was 15. Today, as a mother, I realize what you did and am amazed by your charity. Who are you? An angel, of that I'm sure.

Do you realize the effect you'd have on my life? Surely you had an effect upon my life at the time just because of your presence and my physical displacement. But years later, the effect has been even more monumental. What an example you are still to me. And I tell people frequently about my amazing advisor back when I was so conflicted.

But I'd also like to address my adolescent self-centeredness. I am ashamed, humiliated and utterly devastated by my sheer lack of gratitude for all that you did for me. I'm sure not once did I ever tell you thank you or try to dissuade you from doing any of the things you did. So, all I can do now is thank you, from the bottom of my soul. I've not words to express it all. Please forgive me. I don't know why you loved me so much but you did and now I am grateful.

Here's why. You may read this blog and that will tell you more about why I'm grateful than this measly little paragraph. For years, you've been a beacon in my mind of what a wife, mother and true Latter-Day-Saint should be. As I've gotten older, I've become more aware of the sacrifices you and your family made for me. I was inactive for many years starting with when I moved to Utah. I didn't become active again until I was 32 and my daughter Natalie was a 18 months old. A large portion of the reasons why I did become active were because of the example you set; how a person can truly love another person unconditionally and without reciprocation. You taught me that and I keep coming back to it.

I'm so grateful to your wonderful family; Dana, Sarah and I believe you had a little boy too although I was too self-centered to notice. You never even asked me to babysit! You took so much time away from your family for me and I'm wallowing in the grief that shame has brought upon me. I pray to the Lord that he can forgive me, and that you can too.

But Karen, I love you. I always have. I did then in my twisted adolescent way. You are a true disciple of Christ and I am eternally grateful that you were where you were at that time. I don't know why you were attracted to me but I am glad you were. Things may not have changed at the time much around our household and I know you tried hard to help, but please know that your example has extended and traversed time and touches me all of the time.

Now, I am a mostly stay-at-home mom to my four-year old. I graduated from the University of Utah in 2004 with a Master's Degree in occupational therapy. I work with children in the school district, and in a local hospital with lots of various patients. I love my work. I am married for the 2nd time (boys always were a weakness, weren't they?) - now for nearly 8 years. My husband's not active and this is a trial but I work through it and persevere (you can read more about that on this blog if you'd like). Additionally, I have had loads of counseling to address anger management so I don't abuse my children and have never touched my daughter in anger, I'm proud to say.

I went through the temple a year and a half ago by myself. I do my best to bring my daughter up in righteousness as well.

I just wanted you to know that you had a worthy cause. But without your example, I'm not sure things would have gone so well for me.

Karen, I don't know if I'll ever see or talk to you again in this life. But I will see you in heaven and am looking forward to seeing your beautiful face again.

With eternal love,

Amy