Sunday's Blessings...Again

A few talks on Sunday inspired me. Actually, one of the members of our stake presidency ended up having to speak because the regular speaker was sick. He had to run home and get a "recycled" talk so he would have something intelligent to say. It was a great talk! I was so happy to be there!

The premise of the talk was that there are 5 things we need to do to get our "golden ticket" to the CK!

1. Pray daily
2. Study scriptures daily
3. Be humble
4. Be charitable
5. Have a personal testimony of Christ

Easy enough? Probably, if you're not like me and analyze the whole thing to death! I try to do those things but it gets so jumbled sometimes and I know that it's just Satan's way of trying to convalute the simple things in life.

I try to read my scriptures daily. And when I actually have sat down, and got them open it's very easy. I have a very, very strong testimony of, prior to reading, asking for enlightenment, and it's almost as if I have the gift of tongues or something. All of the sudden, everything makes perfect sense and I now I'm being blessed to an enormous extent...right then! It's amazing!

I have a harder time being humble and praying daily. I'm talking to a dial tone sometimes and I know it's because I haven't prepared properly or I'm letting my mind drift. I lose interest. It's sad becuase I know I'm missing a lot of blessings by not being humble enough to spill my heart.

Being humble and charitable are more intangible and nebulous. If we were humble and charitable in all situations, I wonder what that would look like. What would we be like?

About the testimony of Christ part, I know that can't happen in a day. It needs to build over time like a skyscraper. I'm still building my foundation and it's probaly stronger than I think because I've gotten this far on my own.

Again, I'm so so so grateful for Sundays. They are keeping me on track and a blessing in and of themselves. My lifeline! Where would I be without them?

I got a card from a lady at church yesterday. She isn't necessarily a great friend but I was so touched I wanted to document it for the future. Here it is:

"Amy,

The other day, I was thinking about my life and some of the choices I've got before me and you came to my mind.

Your determination and dedication have been such a great example to me. The comments you make in Relief Society and to me personally and the faith which you exhibit give me strength and resolve to do better and to keep a positive attitude.

Please know that I admire you and I also enjoy seeing your beautiful smile.

Thanks for being who you are."

I absolutely do not deserve these compliments. I am doing some hard things but it's not because I'm so awesome or anything. It's because I know I have to pay the piper! I screwed up bad! I spent a lot of good years wasting my body, my health, and my time! All the good things I could have been doing, the better choices I could have made could have put me in a better situation that would have inevitably put my children in better situations. I have nothing to "pat myself on the back" for, literally! I'm "coming to Jesus", "paying the piper", "suckin' it up", "eatin' crow!" It's easy to admit because it's so true; somebody's gotta pay the price and this time, it's me!

Little Funk

Haven't posted anything for a while mainly because I'm in a little slump.

When I was a new convert, so many blessings were flooding into my life, and I was working hard to be diligent and the sacrifices and changes I was making were causing my focus to go upward. Lately however, I have less conflict in my marriage (much less), and my old habits are starting to form. Not things like coffee or beer or anything like that. Just more subtle things like my selfishness, not praying like I was, having to really nudge myself to read my scriptures each day. Things like that.

I still am going to church each Sunday and without that, I'd stagnate, for sure. It really is my lifeline right now. It's what keeps me motivated, and I'm sure it was designed to be that way. I have started to read an autobiography of one of my great-great-great-great grandfathers, John Lowe Butler. He happened to be one of Joseph Smith's bodyguards and was a sort of Porter Rockwell type. I am hoping that when I'm able to see the sacrifices that he and his family made, it will inspire me to be more faithful.

Regardless of all I'm currently going through, I still do have a strong testimony of this gospel and I don't think that will ever change. I think I'm going through what is probably a very common ebb & flow. I hope that it will soon pass and I will be on the upswing as that is a far more desirable feeling than this one of not feeling like I'm doing all of the right things.