My Nephew's Baptism - Planning

My newphew, Porter, is getting baptized next Saturday and it's really exciting. He's the baby of a 5 person family and I can't believe he's 8 now! I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday; in fact I was there was he was born. I looked at him before he took his first breath!

So I'm planning on going to the baptism and taking Natalie. She's never seen a baptism before and I've begun prepping her. I'm singing a Primary baptism song and talking to her about it so she gets excited. I know that as soft-hearted as Todd is, he won't be able to deny his little girl one of her fondest wishes. And that when she's ready and old enough to be baptized, he's going to have a hard time telling her "no" if its what she really wants.

Anyway so I was telling Todd about the baptism tonight and he said "I'll pass". It really hurt my feelings because I was planning to go to one of "his" neice's baptisms until it was rescheduled for a time we couldn't go, and now he won't come to a baptism on my side. I think it's convenient that I'm an active member and it gives him an excuse for not going. He said it would be a long time before he ever goes into a church with me again - and that was his reasoning. I told him that I thought it might hurt my sister's feelings that he didn't come. He said it wasn't about her and that he wasn't going to support anyone in the mormon religion doing mormon things.

You know what I think? I think he's selfish. He's willing to sacrifice the feelings of people whom he says he cares about because he's holding a grudge. And all I can say is that if that's the alternative, I'm glad I have the gospel. He is a miserable person who mires in misery. He doesn't let things go, prefering to slog through negativity, bad feelings, and pessimism instead of working to improve your way of thinking, and viewing the world. I am an optomistic person who prefers to look toward the sunshine instead of stand in the rain. I feel bad for him because that's how he wants to live his life. I want to be happy, and I believe he does to but he's too busy being miserable to see that other people are happy - and to investigate as to how exactly they got that way! I'd hoped that I would be a good example to him, and that once he saw how blissfully happy I am, and all the positive changes I'm making in my life, that he would be intrigued and interested in moving in this direction further. But I was wrong, at least at this point.

I fasted again today. I wish I remembered when I started fasting every Sunday but it seems like it's been about 6 months now give or take. I lay there this morning thinking about it and wondered how long I would have to fast for. I decided, when I started, that I would fast for as long as it took for Todd to come to church with us. I knew it would be a long time but I don't think I ever really put a date or timeframe on it. Now, I'm starting to think that it will be a realy long time from now. And I thought of stopping. But at church today, a young girl played a song on the piano. It was a cross-compilation of two songs: "Army of Helamen" and "How Great Shall Be Your Joy", and it was one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. I cried while she played. In fact, the next speaker after her could hardly even talk when he stood up because he'd been crying too. It was so amazing! And the words to those two songs were playing in my mind during the piece and it came to me that I was indeed to keep fasting, that it was important that I continue. As much as it is so hard to do it ever Sunday, I feel at peace because I know that I am not alone in it. I pray that the Lord will help me through it and reward me for my diligence eventually. I so want my family to be together in this. It will bring us such peace and happiness. I have to believe that this is a goal worth pursuing!