Some Perspective

I have a new friend who moved into my ward that I have become fairly good friends with. I was giving her some history on my situation the other day and in re-capping it, found that my testimony had increased without even realizing it.

When I look back on the past year, I am amazed by how far I have come! Only 10 months ago, my husband was not speaking to me and regarded me as the hired help. He loathed me, and was repulsed by my garments. He was rude, bitter and antagonistic with any comment he made regarding the church.

Today, he is loving and attentive. Although he falls into bad habits at times, for the most part when discussing my "church habits", he is teasing. He does not impede my efforts to get my daughter to church, and has even helped me from time-to-time getting her ready to go.

Had you told me back in January that we would have come this far in just a few 10 months, I'd have told you it was impossible. But that's where my testimony lies. Here it is just so I can always refer back to it:

I believe in the Atonement. When I have been taught to do what I can, and the Savior's Atonement will make up the difference, that's exactly what he meant. I've thought a lot about this and I did what I could. I fasted every week for what seemed like eternity. I went to the temple regardless of the diversity. I stuck to my guns and never denied my faith, and in fact stuck up for it under a strain that nearly dissolved my marriage. I read, prayed and attended my meetings regularly even when it made my husband angry. I gave up coffee, alcohol, shopping on Sunday, wearing tank tops & mini-skirts, running on Sunday, and 10% of my earnings. I did these things because the Lord asked me to. And then I prayed for more help. These things were not things a marriage counselor would typically associate with "working on your marriage". But I did these things anyway. And the Lord made up the balance. He filled in the gaps where he knew I needed help. I knew that both me and my husband were unable to do anything more to make our marriage better. All that had been done, was done. Now, my husband says our marriage is better than it was before we had our daughter, and I agree. That's a miracle. The only thing that would have been more a miracle would have been if an angel came down and told me that the Lord intended to help me. I'm so humbled by this and it was good to say it out loud. I have been so blessed.

Sometimes I get wallowing in my self-pity and wondering when things are going to change. I keep praying for my husband to have this great "change of heart" but I have to look back and see that he already has. I can't expect a 180 degree turn in 10 months. The Lord can do that but it's better if it comes a little at a time.