New Developments

Had a new development on the Todd front today. Some days are marital set-backs but we've been doing well for the past couple of weeks which is a change. Todd has been increasingly frustrated with my financial management set of skills, or lack of skills to put it better and so recently, took "control" of the money. He put it all in a little account that I don't have access to, and said he'd pay the bills. Yes, all of the little issues this behavior raises are not lost on me and I do feel like a child who'se butt has been spanked. So I work and I make money that only I have access to so I get to avoid asking daddy for money if I want something. But it turns out he's no financial Steven Hawking himself. Let me just say there have been problems and so I offered to help out a bit. I've given my services to help him remember when certain bills are due, and last night offered to help pay some of them that were due right now. So I paid them with our billpayer service, on-line whatever and then needed the money transferred into our joint account which is something only he can do because of the password. Well I called him this morning to remind him to transfer the money but he seemed really busy. He asked me if I could do it, and I said sure but I'd need the password to he account. He actually gave it to me. Now this might seem really stupid and petty but we're talking about huge trust issues here. Since the temple thing, he's been so angry and trust hasn't been high on his list of virtues. This gesture he's made is a big step between the two of us working together on something.

I told my counselor tonight that our marriage veered off on a course of its own after I went to the temple and it would never be the same again. You can be scared of change like Todd is but it's obviously going in a positive direction if we can learn how to work together in different and new ways. I trust Todd a little more each day and for the first time in a long time, feel like he's my partner and not my enemy. I know Heavenly Father must love me to continue to help me the way he does. Do I deserve it? No. Am I grateful? Yes.