Divorce and Other Options

I really wanted to talk about my marriage for a minute. Just get it out there:

I'm not really sure I'm in love with my husband anymore.

I mean, how long can you be treated like dirt and still feel love for someone? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm sticking with it. Many non-mormon women would say it is really unhealthy and co-dependent of me to say what I'm about to say, but I don't care what they say or think.

I was really upset one night about some stuff that had happened and I went for a long drive to think. I went through all the pro's and cons for staying here and/or leaving. I prayed. What it came down to is my daughter's spiritual education. If I allow myself to leave him for my own happiness, I will be likely allowing another woman to come into my daughter's life. This woman (my husband's new wife) would absolutely not be LDS and would be a new influence in my daughter's life. An influence franky, that she doesn't need. Here, in this home with the three of us, I at least have 1/2 of the control about what goes on in her life. The moment another woman is added, I lose a certain percentage like it or not. I can't have that. I know this is what the Lord wants for us and so I'm staying. When she's grown and moved on, I will decide at that point, what I'll do with my life.

So, that conclusion happened about 3 months ago and believe me, it's awful sometimes trying to see it through. But sometimes things can be really good and they usually follow a time that is horendous. And I have to stop and remember the verse in 1st Nephi about how the Lord will make a way for us if we're indeed doing what he wants us to do. And I realize that the times when things are easier are the oasis that I can look forward to over the years as I pull myself through what needs to be done for my daugher's salvation. It's that simple.

My sister says 15 years is a long time - and if you look at it that way, then yes. It is. But I'm not looking at it that way. 15 years will go by so fast and I won't even be 50. Plenty of time to enjoy the rest of my life if it comes to that. What I pray for is that I will fall back in love with him sometime in the next 15 years.