Great Message

Our bulletin announcement had a great message in it today at church and I thought I'd share it since it's been something that's been on my mind a lot lately as I contemplate what my purpose here on earth is and what I really hope to accomplish.

It centered on President Gordon B Hinckley's counsel to teach our children. He named seven things specifically that we need to be teaching them and I was glad to have a short list of things that I can focus on since the list of things that are available to teach is never-ending.

Anyway it said that once you are old and graying and begin reflecting back upon your life, likely your primary thoughts will be, "How have my children turned out?" And, if you have done your best to teach them these seven principles, then likely the answer will be, "very well".

1. teach them to seek for good friends
2. teach them to value education
3. teach them to respect their bodies
4. teach them to avoid illegal drugs as they would the plague
5. teach them to be honest
6. teach them to be virtuous
7. teach them to pray

In summary, teach them the gospel. If only the world as a whole would teach their children these things - I wonder what kind of a world we would live in.

I'm Here, I'm Alive - Here's What's Up

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. I'm still pregnant and plan to deliver February 18th via a scheduled C-section. My pregnancy has gone by quickly although it's been hard on my body. Nothing hugely monumental but I'm such a baby about things that the aches and pains have dominated me. That and I've been SO fatigued it's ridiculous. I've really gone into hermit mode whether it be from sheer exhaustion or depression - I haven't decided yet. Depression because it seems that I can't get control of anything I used to have so much control over. So many things are slipping and it's all I can do to keep up the basic necessities of my family.

On a religious front, I'm still doing my best. I'll tell you what - I've had sort of a hard time. Basic building blocks of our religion are really not much problem for me. I struggle with an occasional decaf latte because they are just so darn good but that's really may main transgression...if you don't count my "addiction" which shall remain un-named and that's because no one really likes to name their sins, right?

Let me tell you about it though - in vague terms. I've had this addiction for a long time and never really worried much about it until I started going back to church when I was able to kick it for a good amount of time. It was a terrible temptation though! And I struggled so much with it but had great confidence in my ability to withstand it. But over the past year, it has crept back into my life and I find my resolve to be diminished to a great extent! I resist taking to anyone about it because I don't want to admit my addiction, nor my human frailty - too much pride? Yeah, I think so. But I know that my addiction isn't something that would get me disciplined for so why go there other than to spill my guts in a big embarrassing and emotional scene.

There's a book put written specifically for LDS addicts. It's based on the 10-step AAA method for alcoholics. I have it and have been reading it periodically but have decided I need to put it into action in a big way. The problem is that I feel very spiritual most of the time, like I'm really on the right track. Sure, I fail to pray and read my scriptures as regularly as I should sometimes but all in all, I'm doing fairly well. But each time I succumb to this addiction and to the temptation (which is almost worse than succumbing to the actual addiction), I feel like I have to start all over. It's tearing me up! I don't know how I can be forgiven for small and slight offences when I am engaging in self-destructive addictive behaviors regularly!

Now don't get your minds going. It's really not as bad as you might think. It's a small thing that just taints my spirit and I know it's not right. Please pray for me as I struggle through this. I hope that I can overcome myself and with the Lord's help I can. I know I just need to make more of an effort.

p.s. thank you for all of your kind emails and notes of concern about where I am. I really appreciate them. i hope that i become myself again soon. :) Oh, by the way - I'm having another girl.

A New Calling

I got called today to be the secretary in Young Women's. I'm really excited!

I think this is going to be an excellent calling for me and I'm anxious to find out what will be required of me.

Pregnancy and Spirituality

There's no doubt about it. I've struggled with my spirituality lately. Partly it's because of my pregnancy which has been difficult thus far. I feel sapped of energy so much of the time that there's not much in reserve for extra things. I know this isn't the way I should be looking at my relationship with the Lord so I am doing what I can to turn it around.

I went to the temple about 2 weeks ago and it was such a great experience. I felt so great sitting in the Celestrial room after the session and for the first real time, I was totally at peace there and couldn't imagine where else I could be so content at that particular time. I could use that more on a regular basis.

I've decided that to enable a more increased relationship with the Lord, I'm going to change my reading habits. There are so many amazing religious books available but I'm so obsessed with spending my time reading novels that there's no time to read anything else. So I am going to read a religious book every other book and a requirement will be to finish the book. I start lots of them but never finish one. Right now I'm reading Joseph and Emma, a sort of biography of their life and I am impressed with it. I'm enjoying it very much!

I have lots of growth to be made in plenty of other areas so one thing at a time. I know the Lord has patience with me as long as I'm doing something to move forward in faith. That's definitely easing my mind a little bit.

And Now For Some Good News

I'm pregnant people!!!!

Everything with Todd has been awesome lately. Everyone's prayers have helped me so much! I'm so blessed to finally to be blessed with my other child. I've always known there was another waiting there for me. It just makes me cry when I think how I've been blessed!

Thank you for all of your kind words!

I'm due February 20th. You may follow along here.

To An Old Friend

Dear Karen,

Don't think I've forgotten you. How could I do that? You were my Mia Maid advisor 20 years ago but I can see your face in my mind like it was yesterday.

How could I forget all that you did for me? You took care of me, mothered me, took me in. Cared for me in a way my own mother was incapable of doing.

I know Sarah was only about 6 when I came to stay with you. She had her own room. You displaced her for me. I thought nothing of it when I was 15. Today, as a mother, I realize what you did and am amazed by your charity. Who are you? An angel, of that I'm sure.

Do you realize the effect you'd have on my life? Surely you had an effect upon my life at the time just because of your presence and my physical displacement. But years later, the effect has been even more monumental. What an example you are still to me. And I tell people frequently about my amazing advisor back when I was so conflicted.

But I'd also like to address my adolescent self-centeredness. I am ashamed, humiliated and utterly devastated by my sheer lack of gratitude for all that you did for me. I'm sure not once did I ever tell you thank you or try to dissuade you from doing any of the things you did. So, all I can do now is thank you, from the bottom of my soul. I've not words to express it all. Please forgive me. I don't know why you loved me so much but you did and now I am grateful.

Here's why. You may read this blog and that will tell you more about why I'm grateful than this measly little paragraph. For years, you've been a beacon in my mind of what a wife, mother and true Latter-Day-Saint should be. As I've gotten older, I've become more aware of the sacrifices you and your family made for me. I was inactive for many years starting with when I moved to Utah. I didn't become active again until I was 32 and my daughter Natalie was a 18 months old. A large portion of the reasons why I did become active were because of the example you set; how a person can truly love another person unconditionally and without reciprocation. You taught me that and I keep coming back to it.

I'm so grateful to your wonderful family; Dana, Sarah and I believe you had a little boy too although I was too self-centered to notice. You never even asked me to babysit! You took so much time away from your family for me and I'm wallowing in the grief that shame has brought upon me. I pray to the Lord that he can forgive me, and that you can too.

But Karen, I love you. I always have. I did then in my twisted adolescent way. You are a true disciple of Christ and I am eternally grateful that you were where you were at that time. I don't know why you were attracted to me but I am glad you were. Things may not have changed at the time much around our household and I know you tried hard to help, but please know that your example has extended and traversed time and touches me all of the time.

Now, I am a mostly stay-at-home mom to my four-year old. I graduated from the University of Utah in 2004 with a Master's Degree in occupational therapy. I work with children in the school district, and in a local hospital with lots of various patients. I love my work. I am married for the 2nd time (boys always were a weakness, weren't they?) - now for nearly 8 years. My husband's not active and this is a trial but I work through it and persevere (you can read more about that on this blog if you'd like). Additionally, I have had loads of counseling to address anger management so I don't abuse my children and have never touched my daughter in anger, I'm proud to say.

I went through the temple a year and a half ago by myself. I do my best to bring my daughter up in righteousness as well.

I just wanted you to know that you had a worthy cause. But without your example, I'm not sure things would have gone so well for me.

Karen, I don't know if I'll ever see or talk to you again in this life. But I will see you in heaven and am looking forward to seeing your beautiful face again.

With eternal love,

Amy

The Newest Prophet

It occurred to me today, as I was reading the Ensign dedicated to last GC that the manner in which President Monson was called as a prophet is somewhat unclear to me.

In most organizations, to elect a new President, a board will vote or already have a method for inducting a new President into his role.

In our church, a Prophet is called of God. And I believe this and I'm not questioning it but I'm merely looking at the logistics of all this in a way I never have before. And it's become clear to me why it is so important for each member to hit their knees to have their own revelation that the new Prophet is indeed the one called of God.

President Monson likely received his own revelation but it would be a little presumptuous for him to stand up and say, "Hey you guys, I've been called of God - believe it!". All of the members of the First Presidency would have all had to have their own revelations, and then come together to compare notes to ensure that they were all on the same page.

I marvel at the faith this must take in order to make such a big decision! And I am feeling now that I should receive my own revelation; something I haven't done yet because I merely took for granted that they were right. But that's not the point, is it? All of the members of the church need to know - or else no one knows.

I appreciate that so much! Now if only would could elect our nations' leaders like that perhaps we'd have less conflicts. I might be on to something there!