Temple Recommend Interview

Wow! Time has passed so quickly! I had to get my temple recommend re-instated for the first time already. Has it really already been 2 years? That's insane!

My sister-in-law is going through the temple on Saturday for the first time and I am so proud of her. It's been a long time in the making and I've encouraged her many times to go even if her husband wasn't ready. And she knows I speak from experience! I'm so honored that she invited me to go with her! I'm not her escort but still - that's very nice. I didn't invite ANYONE to go with me the first time. It was too nerve-wracking.

Anyway, when my recommend expired at the end of December, I had the bishop issue me another one but never had the stake president sign it and wasn't too worried about it because I knew with an infant, that my chances of getting to the temple in the first 6 months were pretty nil. But this new development necessitated that I get it signed...pronto!

So I sat in the stake president's office again tonight and went through the interview. I cringed over some questions and figure that if I don't feel an element of guilt during that interview over some of the questions then I am not being humble enough. That's alright. I can deal with that.

However, for the fourth time during a temple recommend interview (with bishops and stake presidents, etc.) I've had to explain my battle with decaf! Oh my gosh people! I LOVE COFFEE okay? I've given up the caffeinated stuff but decaf has been just so hard. When I am really feeling picked upon or extra cold or just need a treat, I get a decaf latte at the drive-through coffee shop - and I absolutely RELISH it. It's far better to me than any dessert I could possibly have. Isn't that stupid?

And for the fourth time, I've had them tell me that I need to just stay away from it. Easier said than done, I say! This time though, my stake president said, "you should avoid it - the price is just too high!" I was intrigued by what he said. "the price is just too high". It's true. I asked him what the deal was with decaf and why some people say it's okay. He said of course it's between me and the Lord, and where I'm at in my spiritual progress but that the Word of Wisdom is an obedience law - not necessarily a health law although he can't be entirely sure that tea and coffee aren't bad for our health on a large scale. Anyway, he said it's just better to be obedient than to have to pay the price later.

I'm tired of having to have this discussion time after time over a stupid drink. I'm going to make it a priority that in my next temple interview, I will not have to bring it up again. It's not like there aren't alternatives.

I also felt mildly bad about my "addiction" which is actually not coffee. But, I am dealing with it a day at a time and it's going well I think. Satan definitely has his claws in me on this one but I can tell you...I'm going to win :).

Ciao.

I'm Here, I'm Alive - Here's What's Up

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. I'm still pregnant and plan to deliver February 18th via a scheduled C-section. My pregnancy has gone by quickly although it's been hard on my body. Nothing hugely monumental but I'm such a baby about things that the aches and pains have dominated me. That and I've been SO fatigued it's ridiculous. I've really gone into hermit mode whether it be from sheer exhaustion or depression - I haven't decided yet. Depression because it seems that I can't get control of anything I used to have so much control over. So many things are slipping and it's all I can do to keep up the basic necessities of my family.

On a religious front, I'm still doing my best. I'll tell you what - I've had sort of a hard time. Basic building blocks of our religion are really not much problem for me. I struggle with an occasional decaf latte because they are just so darn good but that's really may main transgression...if you don't count my "addiction" which shall remain un-named and that's because no one really likes to name their sins, right?

Let me tell you about it though - in vague terms. I've had this addiction for a long time and never really worried much about it until I started going back to church when I was able to kick it for a good amount of time. It was a terrible temptation though! And I struggled so much with it but had great confidence in my ability to withstand it. But over the past year, it has crept back into my life and I find my resolve to be diminished to a great extent! I resist taking to anyone about it because I don't want to admit my addiction, nor my human frailty - too much pride? Yeah, I think so. But I know that my addiction isn't something that would get me disciplined for so why go there other than to spill my guts in a big embarrassing and emotional scene.

There's a book put written specifically for LDS addicts. It's based on the 10-step AAA method for alcoholics. I have it and have been reading it periodically but have decided I need to put it into action in a big way. The problem is that I feel very spiritual most of the time, like I'm really on the right track. Sure, I fail to pray and read my scriptures as regularly as I should sometimes but all in all, I'm doing fairly well. But each time I succumb to this addiction and to the temptation (which is almost worse than succumbing to the actual addiction), I feel like I have to start all over. It's tearing me up! I don't know how I can be forgiven for small and slight offences when I am engaging in self-destructive addictive behaviors regularly!

Now don't get your minds going. It's really not as bad as you might think. It's a small thing that just taints my spirit and I know it's not right. Please pray for me as I struggle through this. I hope that I can overcome myself and with the Lord's help I can. I know I just need to make more of an effort.

p.s. thank you for all of your kind emails and notes of concern about where I am. I really appreciate them. i hope that i become myself again soon. :) Oh, by the way - I'm having another girl.